/.Asian Pride

Monday, June 06, 2005.
1:17 PM

I miss kingsfield alot, i doubt anyone has any idea how much i miss him.

Sometimes i wonder if we're considered "together". Yesterday was our 16th month together and he prolly forgot until i msged him and said "happy 16th month, darling". Yeah and he didn't believe me when i said "i love you". So i guess we're half a step away from an official break-up. Firecrackers, anyone? Yeah go ahead and celebrate, i don't really care. No one knows what the hell's going on anyway.

I know we're going nowhere, but honestly, i'd DIE for us to work out. I really want this so bad, i doubt kingsfield knows; even if he did, it's not like he'd take me for real.

So many people around me are singing the same song. Everyone says there're other guys girls cats dogs etc what-have-yous out there, so i don't have to stick with kingsfield because i've a wide array of choices. Then some people say i've not known enough guys to decide yet. Some think the nice guys i know are either taken or simply, inert. However there are those who claim that my motto has always been guys=investments, so "kyna will never get hung up over any investment". Of course, that plainly translates into "Eh just go find a rich guy la, then ask him to buy everything you want! Oh and if he's nice, you can ask him to buy things for me also!"

Friends, INDEED.

Was i really that materialistic? ANYWAYS i can almost confirm now that kingsfield doesn't really give a fuck already. I might as well stop lulling myself into a false sense of security. HOWEVER, i refuse to. I refuse to move on, i refuse to get over him, i refuse to find interest in other boys. I know i need a good tight slap, but i think i need kingsfield more.

Yeah alright that's enough for now. I can't afford to explode yet. I've yet to see kingsfield.

NO ONE TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS PLEASE. YOU WON'T MAKE THINGS ANY BETTER, I CAN PROMISE.

andthatwashowthecookiecrumbled. ________________